Google+ Consumer Psyche: August 2013


Friday, August 30, 2013

Choose happiness

A brilliant piece from Inspiration and Chai.

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five: 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. 

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. 

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. 

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. 

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. 

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. 

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Don't worry!

More the thorns in life, greater the appreciation of God's grace (2 Cor 12:9).

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the Cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings—ev'ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by!

(Johnson Oatman, Jr., 1856-1922)

Faithful Forever!

Read this in a christian blogpost applies to our daily life as well. Stay faithful, focused, stay bright and stay alert. Leave the rest to the Lord.

From the very beginning of our Christian walk and work, we must learn to keep our eyes on the final day of rewards and not keep looking for immediate blessings and benefits. This is how we can be patient amidst all odds and stay faithful till the end.

 A lone missionary was preaching in the cold wilds of Alaska. An explorer asked him why he was wasting his life in a dreary place like that? The missionary replied, "Results are not my business. I leave the results with God. I must be faithful and do my best for God. Someday results will come!"

Faithfulness is rewarded. May not be from the people you know but from the Lord.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Monday blues: Sun and the city

It's Monday and I am up at my terrace waiting for a call and this beautiful scene unfolded. Sometimes as you get busy with work, life you miss the greatest wonders of nature.

Look up, see the beauty, see the force behind this creation and stay hopeful.

I clicked it and wify named it.

All pics displayed here can be downloaded and used for free. Just give a link here. You can find more pics here: t3i photography.

Hires pic here.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Think like a leader

Read one of Robin Sharma's best posts till date. Here is an excerpt. Think like what you want to be.

The root cause of all rare-air productive, financial, personal and global success...

...your psychology.

If you're not thinking like the dominant star of your industry, your performance will never rise to match that expectation.

If you're not thinking you can get your massive dreams done, your behavior will never be sufficient to get giant goals done.

If you're not thinking like someone who's the rockstar of their field, financially free, healthy as an athlete and happier than you could ever imagine, then there's no way you'll get there.

Why? Because your outcomes always reflect your self-identity (a.k.a. your psychology).

Researchers like Sonja Lyubomirsky have done some fascinating work on "the power of the self-fulfilling prophecy". Definitely read her book The How of Happiness this week.

Bottom line: the hard-core psychologists confirm that your psychology and expectations for your performance determine your results.

You absolutely have to learn to think like the very best do to experience the rewards and lifestyle that the VERY best have.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Monday blues: Interaction vs Solitude

Some of the best ideas originate when you are alone. Some come out of a hearty lively discussion or brainstorming session. Chose your motivation technique and recharge your creativity today. 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

To my country, my motherland, my freedom

Written by Rabindranath Tagore: Greatest writer in modern Indian literature, Bengali poet, novelist, educator, who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1913.

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

19 Victim Versus Leader Distinctions

19 Victim Versus Leader Distinctions:
#1. Victims talk about people. Leaders talk about ideas.
#2. Victims procrastinate around their goals. Leaders execute on them.
#3. Victims enjoy watching things (like TV and video games). Leaders like making things.
#4. Victims are distracted. Leaders are concentrated.
#5. Victims abhor change. Leaders Adore change.
#6. Victims read what everyone reads. Leaders read what few do.
#7. Victims associate with other victims. Leaders spend most of their time with superstars (and thereby dramatically elevate their productivity and success).
#8. Victims are stuck in the past. Leaders are inspired by the future.
#9. Victims resist hard projects. Leaders seek them out (knowing it refines their chops).
#10. Victims work at mediocrity. Leaders view work as an opportunity to pursue Mastery.
#11. Victims give most of their time to leisure. Leaders spend a ton of time on their learning.
#12. Victims tear people down (because it makes them feel better). Leaders lift others up.
#13. Victims are rude. Leaders are polite.
#14. Victims practise negativity. Leaders are unreasonably positive.
#15. Victims can’t wait to retire. Leaders are afraid to retire (why retire when you’re having so much fun building something important, growing more leaders and producing value for the world?).
#16. Victims waste time. Leaders exploit time.
#17. Victims achieve things for the applause. Leaders achieve them for the fulfillment.
#18. Victims sleep late. Leaders rise early.
#19. Victims view work as a means to pay the bills. Leaders view work as a way to change the world.

My great wish is that these ideas inspire you to Lead Without a Title, lift your teammates to their next level of wow and grow a great company.

See more at:

How to win an argument

You are doing your phd in psychology right? Can you tell me how to win a fight? I get asked this question many times.

Frankly speaking, I am not sure how. However, I will try and give you some steps to do that.
  1. A quote from my favorite book - The Bible: "Don't get involved in foolish and ignorant arguments that only start fights" (2 Tim 2:23)
  2. Respect other's opinion
  3. Stay away from people who are jobless
  4. Don't waste your time with irritating people
  5. Don't try to convince people out of their own ideas
  6. Losing an argument is sometimes good if you are winning the person
  7. Why bother!
Do I need a phd for this? I don't think so. I think it is more about common sense :)

Analyse — all things!
Accept — only good things!
Avoid — all questionable things!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Monday, August 12, 2013

Monday Blues: Be yourself

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. 

Rather then be accepted by others, you need to accept yourself.”

—Thich Nhat Hanh

Monday blues: Leave an impression

Every time you meet/interact anyone, you leave an impression. Doesn't matter how small it can be but you leave an impression. You send out a vibe. Either positive or negative but you do send. Most of the time it can be unintentional or something you wouldn't care for. But it might be a life-changing, important interaction for the other person.

Can you make a difference? Can you put a smile on someone unsuspecting? Kick the Monday blues today and try and be extra positive today.

All pics displayed here can be downloaded and used for free. Just give a link here. You can find more pics here: t3i photography.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Talk to me

Regardless of how you feel and believe, the amount of communication, verbal and written has come down drastically, thanks to the modern tech-facilitators. Look what I found online.

The time spent on sharing few things with the people you love, care about is more worth than the time spent in messgating, texting and drafting mails. No communication, nothing can replace the joy in listening to someone's voice and take off the pain, burden, double the excitement in happiness than when you do it personally.

Here is a chance to test it yourself. Today, call someone you know and have been communicating via the electronic mode and speak to them and see how it feels. Especially the family.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Be like the dove

Be like the dove that nests in the sides of the mouth of a gorge. Jeremiah 48:28
All pics displayed here can be downloaded and used for free. Just give a link here. You can find more pics here: t3i photography.

A good life

For life's an experience God's children go through
That's made up of gladness and much sadness too... 
But we have to know both the bitter and the sweet
If we want a good life that is full and complete! 
 (H.S. Rice)

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Monkey See Monkey Do

Read a superb article in Bangalore Mirror today!

My daughter and I were at a green traffic light once, when a pedestrian ran across my path (avoiding eye contact, of course), forcing me to step on the brakes in a hurry. Now jay walkers, I was prepared for. I customarily stare them down, hoping to thus hurt them in the brain or something.

What I wasn't prepared for, was hearing my 3-year-old quickly add - “Idiot!”

I turned around, aghast, and she smiled sweetly, as if she’d helped me out. The next 10 minutes were spent in quiet self-examination. Wow! I didn't even know I was judging people aloud. What else was I saying that this sponge was absorbing and replaying in the correct (and possibly - incorrect) context?!
I watched myself from that day on and realized the many things I was doing, including frowning incessantly and saying ‘Okay, hmm’ when I was distracted and not really following her stories.  Mums and dads who act surprised when daughter slams a friend at a party, or uses inappropriate words, here’s the rough guide to the things your child is learning from you; evident or not.
Do YOU keep house rules? Last week, I heard myself tell my toddler – “If you beat your sister, I will whack you. No beating allowed here, ok?” He hit her anyway. In my head, I slapped myself. Outwardly, I added sheepishly, “Only mum is allowed to beat anyone," and walked away before I dug a deeper hole.
Being polite to all people alike? Your son is not going to respect people if he doesn't see you do it – key word – consistently. And when there’s a forced kindness to ‘people who matter’ while you’re trying to belittle the waiter at a restaurant, your little guy will soak in the messed-up system and probably mess up many times before he perfects/decodes your parenting lesson.
Are you lying while they’re listening? I know a little child who lies effortlessly and that had me stumped till I met the dad – a friendly guy who once picked her up late from our house after a play date. He then promptly dialed her tuition teacher from our place and said: “Sorry ma’am, she’s skipping tuition today. We got delayed at a family function.”
Are you talking behind peoples’ backs? Monkey see, monkey do. Been there! One Sunday, my mum sat next to a tireless, talkative nun and told my grandma all about it when we returned home. A few days later, on Commercial Street, I remember yelling out – “Hey ma, there’s the ‘yappy nun’ from church!”
Do they see you as trust-worthy? Kids learn quick, that if you’re talking about someone to them, you’re talking about them to someone. This is a precious finding, especially if you have a tween/teenager at home. Keep your lips locked, mum; or your daughter will shut you out.
Showing mercy on the road? Your child will grow up learning to be tolerant, and that’s a good thing. Obedience to the law of the land will come from imitation, and without the need to be judgmental.  A drive presents endless opportunities to talk about poverty, traffic rules and big life lessons.
Do you listen? Listening to your children will teach patience and give them the feeling of being valued. They will feel loved and know that their voice means something. Being a pushover will never be an option and you will have led by example!
Most of all, keep your word. Sponges have ears. Big brother may not be watching, but little daughter is; and that’s way scarier.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Monday Blues: No way!

Sometimes there is just no way. You have to be patient and wait for the smog to clear and paths to open up.

All pics displayed here can be downloaded and used for free. Just give a link here. You can find more pics here: t3i photography.